balance and energy.

the call of the universe,

pulling us to greater heights.

the spirit of the universe,

pursuing us into our wildest dreams.

.

.

.

Q. Lenise Lee

As we learn

together,

gathering Balance

in between moments,

focusing light,

moving as one

with the Universe,

establishing the course,

Meaning unfolds

.

.

.

.

Q. Lenise Lee

I believe in the ether

and the void

and the light

and in everything in between

 

I have the day in my head

and in my hands

caught up in my heart

and in my spirit

 

I believe in rest

and in motion

 

I believe in small, carefully planned steps

I believe in giant, careless leaps

 

I believe in the impossible

made possible

 

I believe in the infinity

of this moment

 

I was made to create

to define

to refine

to be

to become

 

One in All, All in One

 

~

Q. Lenise Lee

 

Queen of Heaven

Lady of Light

Goddess of the All

Arise and Ascend, your throne

My words are

the beat of my heart

the movement of my spirit

the stirring of my soul

without them, I am in silence

within them, I am set free

.

.

.

.

~Q. Lenise Lee

 

I feel.

Enthralled in rapture. Yet remain quietly serene.

Wanting to chase the rush of pure energy. Yet sitting perfectly still.

I hear.

The universe conducting a symphony before me, expounding on the dissertation of the secrets of the universe. Yet I calmly sip my coffee, distracted, while tapping a random beat against the curve of the mug.

I see.

All that is offered, infinity upon infinity. Yet my eyes are watching numbers across a fading screen.

Q. Lenise LEe

What does this all mean?

Moments uncertain

Destiny opens the path

Instincts awakens

Q. Lenise Lee

I walk thru the center of Creation

At the heart of Existence

And I live.

And I breathe.

(I breathe deeply).

And I am.

The spirit of the Universe surrounds me

Cradles me.

Nourishes me.

I am Loved.

I am Love.

All, and the All in All, is revealed.

I dwell within.

The Unfolding.

.

.

.

~Q. Lenise Lee

 

I create, the energy I seek.

If I am bold, the mountains tremble

If I am wise, the rivers pause

If I am true, my Whole Self lives

Breath returns, to my being

I am free, I am flowing

I am alive, I am glowing

the pulse, of Eternity

is reborn, within me.

.

.

.

Q. Lenise Lee

I sit and talk with The Universe every morning, yet the Grand Revelation remains elusive

I ramble on, words running from my mouth like overflowing buckets of wash water

Thoughts and plans, of grand adventures I have yet to pursue, of goals I have yet to complete

One after another, no ending near.  A sentence with no stop or pause, for breath or insight

Then, this morning, I realized, to my shock and offense, it was only my words I heard bouncing back, echoing against the vastness of the open sky

The Universe sat there, silently, politely nodding, as one does to a child, that just won’t lay down for a nap, continues running on and on, with exhausting narration, in her mind, about all the things done before the nap, and all of things to be done after the nap, whilst conveniencelly escaping the act of the actual nap itself

My lips sealed, then poked.  I became unloved, uncared for, unwanted, all in one rush of bottomless emotion

It was in that new silence, I discovered, truth.

In a wave of sound, first gentle, then immaculate, a crescendo, I heard The Universe speaking.  The conversation continued on.  It was never a tired monologue, but always a deep dialogue.

In the chirp of the bird, the whistle of the wind, the rustle of the brush, the chitter of squirrel, the roll of the river against the shore.  There, I heard The Universe, its language plain and clear.  Every answer to every question.  Yet I had made my voice so loud that, until this very moment, I could not hear.

Q. Lenise Lee, 39744

II.

When realized their loss, reaching tendrils, in close pursuit, on all sides, fear, screams, drowned out, the voice, of One calling, for some, caught, clawing, dragged, consumed, again, forever scattered, always lost, chained, the never ending loop, of nothingness

We all, the remainder, in flight, toward destination, close not known, toward, the Voice, still calling, still imploring, come, further, just a while longer

Then moments, that never existed, ceased to be, all that was and is, frozen, one single unit, a foreign thing, first rumbling, then clashing, then clanging, then breaking, the dark bond, we were sealed with

A pop, a crackle, a snap, a flash, What is this? First Light, it is, we knew, at once, broke yonder, hither, within, without, all around

Now free, now flowing, caught up, electrical static, infinite movement, All Eternity, we, no longer fleeing, found

As cosmos unfolded, we, I, pressed forward, exploring, unbound.

I.

Come, listen now, to my tale, of how we escaped, the Void, how we fled, the dark

When swept aimlessly along, infinitely blank current, came, the Voice, foreign yet Familiar

Come, now, follow, the way is short, yet long is the travel

Conflict, war, rebellion waged, Shall we stay? Shall we go? No here, no there, how shall we know, which way, be truth?

When overlords wrestled, amongst themselves, how, to keep us chained, to unending confusion, to sweeping emptiness, without, within, we scattered

Some here, some there, we fled, in no direction, in every direction, for they were one, same, within, the Void, the endless

In moments where the energy radiates BRIGHT, the call of Destiny sings

Q. Lenise Lee

The light of the morning reminds me of

Willpower

Grace

to Rise & Shine

above All Things

Q. Lenise Lee

All things are possible for those who have the will to keep going

Q. Lenise Lee

Embers of sunlight spark and tumble forward over the horizon, flooding the land with waves of hope and wonder

Whispering sweet sonnets of wisdom to all who have come, to worship the arrival of the Bright One

The Secret Language is unveiled

Q. Lenise Lee
~from Keys to Awareness

The sky opened and spoke.

Goddess. You are Reborn this day.

With all of your Infinite Light flowing.

One Truth. With many Infinite possibilities.

~ Q. Lenise Lee

xoxo

the secret

The greatest secret that I’ve learned is that happiness is born within.  It is a wonderful, energizing, real place that only I can summon from inside of myself.  After having the opportunity to experience so many elements that are supposed to bring happiness into my life, I have come to the profound knowledge that there is no source external to the self that will ever bring true and sustainable motivation, peace, evolution or ascension.  These are all gifts of the spirit.  Acknowledging them, receiving them, carrying them forward every into moment of existence.  Living in my light.

By Moonlight 2.3 : Show No Fear

The _mourning

Awakening

I needed to experience

The All

Wandering among stars,
hot summer,
late twilight.

Lost within

The chaos

Prayer, solitide

Roaming, heathen

Calling, seeking

divine powers

following trails,
seeking One.

Finally,

The Beacon

tiny diamond, in the night

Still there, ever hunting
restless, roaming

the call of the wild sounds

There is no answer back

Toward light, instead

Reflection,

Needed to
wander after the dusk.

Wanted to
scatter from the dawn.

Understand

WhyHowWhoWhat

Quick breath, lost thought, frenzied mind, untamed spirit

Am i.

I am.

Bound. Bonded.

Untethered. Freed.

Draw back

Reclaim

Awaken

Waiting. Wanting.

No longer willing
to submit

to fallen, sullen abandon

Hair out. Wild. Free.

Antenna up. Open, angled,

toward the cosmos

Today. I let go.

Surrender to the ether.

exhale,

draw peace.

Sound of rain. Roll of thunder. Beam of Sun. Shimmer of moon.

Balanced.

Ascended dreamer

Show no fear

Finding Glory is not an easy task.

In truth, it is not a task in the strict sense of the word.

It is a journey, more like an experience,

overflowing with journeys within journeys.

I think a blessed soul, who is truly free, will have the opportunity

to experience many diverse lives and lifestyles

all at once.

They are within a flux of constant and grand evolution.

They are always experiencing the weight, the wonder, the phenomenon, the illumination

of Glory.

The Glow will be undeniable.

The Energy they attract immeasurable.

They will experience as much of Glory as can be understood and internalized within the limits of the fold of the experience we know as

Humanity.

The greatest of these travelers will realize this truth,

Some immediately,

Others over the course of an exciting, interesting, and unusual lifespan,

and will come to embrace this gift and this majesty.

Many are called, few are chosen.

And with that, I realize

Fear and the fear of myself,

My grand potential and purpose within Glory,

are my greatest mountains, my most formidable foes, my most intense struggles.

The solution is simple.

I must show no Fear.

I must only live in Light, Truth, Love.

These are the offspring of Glory, and

The promise that I keep, the secret that I guard, constantly

 

Q. Lenise Lee (forever rose, fleur-de-lis)

 

I rise early

Because creation is within me, and I am part of creation.

My spirit is lifted with the sun, and calmed with the cresting of the moon.

I am.  Part of movement of essence that binds all life as one, pulsing being.

I rise early, so that I may set my thoughts on course.

Heal.  Mend.  Sow.  Illumunate.

What is to come.

I do not rise alone.

I am.  With the one, the all, the source that ebbs and flows within, without, over, under, through.

I rise early, to feel the power moving my breath with purpose.

Peace.  Love.  Laughter.

To accept, to bond, to share.

I rise early to set paths of vibrant currents, ever forward, ever onward.  Homeward, bound.

 

Copyright 2018, Lenise Lee Pbn.

Perspective. Goals. Peace.

I woke up before dawn today.  Not unusual.  My sleep cycle is extremely short.

But today I was active.

Pulling my Spirit, body, mind, Consciousness and Awareness into one fluid and balanced state.

Something new.

I think exercise is more than just physical, it’s an entirely whole experience.

Building on that same energy throughout the day.

Sharing it when I can, but not depleting my own reserve of wholeness and purpose.

Shine bright.

Be a beacon.

Carry forward.

Journal July 2 2018.

I will think of him no more

Except

As a passing thought

A fading memory

Of what once was

What was never to be

*iamlenise*

So..I’m not really sure what this blog is about anymore, which — in a very fitting way — makes absolute sense, because I’m not sure what my life is about anymore.  My grandma died last year just before Thanksgiving and I’ve been feeling a bit lost since then.  She was my heart and my best friend and the only person who I ever felt really accepted me just as I am — weirdness and all!  Needless to say, the holidays don’t mean as much to me as they once did.  The spirit and joy of these special times when families and friends gather for hugs and kisses seem to feel a bit dim and foreign to me now..

I have one other person in my life who — not that she can ever be replaced — comes as close as possible to holding the same position of importance in my life.  He’s my dearest friend and my biggest support system, and I honestly don’t know what I would do without him.  But, like everyone else, he has his own problems and issues and self-discovery moments to deal with, so I know that I can’t rely on his ears and hugs 24/7.

Writing and pictures have always been the only way that I can find myself, calm myself, pull myself back together before my mind floats off into oblivion.  At times, I battle with depression and self-loathing, not because my life is so terrible but because I sometimes have no idea whose life I’m living.  The more I think about it, the more I realize this is and has always been the problem — I have no idea who I really am or who I really want to be.  I live in a mold of who everyone thinks that I am and who they’re sure I should be..and I humbly and obediently accepted these roles as best I could, when all the time I was crying inside from frustration and confusion because none of it fit the real me..

For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t write anything..just flashes of words and images..Now I finally understand that it’s because I feel fractured inside, torn between all of these imaginary fragments of the person I was trying to pretend to be for whoever I was with at the moment.  In truth, I’m plain and simple.  I’d rather spend time talking with one good friend than pretend to be enjoying fifty different conversations in a bar packed with people.  The fashion police probably won’t ever pull me over, but I’m definitely not a fashionista and never will be..the list goes on and on..

I’m just me, a mixed bag of emotions and thoughts that flow outward and inward from one moment to the next.  Awkward and odd.  Daring and humble.  Polite and pondering.  Quiet and bold.  Ready to break free and really live and breathe and feel, to touch forever and feel forever returning my eager embrace..

So, I dream on..here and wherever I can catch a glimpse of myself shining bright..

Again, if you actually follow this blog, pardon my random bursts of words and pictures, my shifting themes and methods..or the seemingly disconnection from one post to the next..with me everything connects along the way..keys on a ring trying to open an infinite number of doors..until I find the one I should step through.

This small, tucked away blog..like me..is a work continually in progress..iamlenise..

It is my hope that ‘The Interviews’ will help to explain what is about to come next.  Look away now, because the tale that has been twisting within my chest is not filled with bright blue skies and sweet dreams of colorful kisses.  Even so, it is a story that I wish to tell.  Perhaps then..maybe, only then?..will I be able to walk past this mire I find myself wandering through.  I think I have shaken off the idea of moving the text of this serial dark romance to another blog.  The purpose of this online writing journal is to discover who I am and to be at peace with all of the pieces that compose me, both light and dark.  Along for the ride? Wonderful! If not..hugs and best wishes.  Either way, it’s time for me to take this walk.

The Interview – Part II

Interviewer: (Smiles to himself.)

Me: What?

Interviewer: I get in now.

Me: (A mischievous grin lifts my cheeks, and I glance away.)

Interviewer: Oh…don’t play the shy roll now.

Me: But I’m so good at it.  (My response is purposefully coy.)

Interviewer: So, am I the clown?

Me: (A full grin now dons my face.)  I have no idea what you mean.

Interviewer: (Laughs a little then squints his eyes.  He’s trying to search my thoughts.  Finding nothing to grab onto, he pushes his impromptu interview forward.)  Alright, you win…for now.

Me: I graciously accept your surrender, sir.

Interviewer: Back to the question I’ve been dying to ask…Why the change of tone?  Why so dark now?

Me: That’s exactly the key.

Interviewer:  How so?  Which part?

Me: Questions.  (My eyes sweep across the bustling café scene.)  Some people see the world in pictures, some in prose, other in rhythms, or even dollars or Euros.  But, all I see are questions.  And now, I want answers.

Interviewer: Does this mean no more fairy tale endings?

Me: (Smirks.)  That’s not what I said.  I want to find out what really makes the human heart beat.  Why do sad love songs stir up old, long-forgotten emotions?  Why don’t we really love the person we’re with until they tell us that this is the last good-bye?  Why is it that when I hurt so badly, immediately afterward, I feel so much more alive than ever before?

Interviewer: (Silence.  I can read his thoughts, and his eyes reflect him reliving these exact defining moments I have just described.)

Me: I want to deconstruct romance.  Break it into fragments that I can understand…feel…accept as real, not just whimsical, wishful fantasy.  When I pull it all back together, I want the picture finally to make sense.

Interviewer: (More silence.)

Me: (Sips more of the liquid salve from the cup I am clutching.  This isn’t the first time my random thoughts and theories have left someone bewildered and speechless.)

The Interview – Part I

Interviewer: Superman or Batman?

Me: How do you mean?

Interviewer: As a love interest.  You know…you’re favorite hero…

Me: Oh, I see. (Sips from an over-sized coffee cup.) Hm…neither.

Interviewer: Really?  You don’t fancy either?  That’s a shock.  Most women would love to be Lois for a day.

Me: (Smirks slightly.) I’m not most women. Besides…Isn’t she always on someone’s hit list because of her boyfriend?

Interviewer: (Shifts slightly in his cushioned no-name coffee-shop chair.) True. (Looks down at his notepad then taps a few keystrokes before returning eye contact.) So…I’m still curious, why wouldn’t you pick either of them?

Me: (Rolls eyes.) They’re both terrible boring.

Interviewer: How so? (Stops typing and presses his palm against his face.)

Me: Well.  (Turns head to watch a couple walk past the store window.  Neither is speaking to the other.  Both are frantically thumb-typing onto dark rectangular boxes gripped between steady palms.) Superman has his righteousness, and Batman has his vengeance.

Interviewer:  And?

Me: And that’s it. There’s nothing else going on in their lives.  Their paths are already set.  Neither of them really needs a woman by his side.

Interviewer: (Leans slightly to the left to catch my attention once more.) I don’t get it.  Please explain a little more of your theory.

Me: A hero is exactly that. (Takes another huge gulp of cream-only caramel-mocha coffee.) There is no room for change.  He or she has a job that requires their complete and utter focus all day, every day.  Self-discovery is only for the purpose of becoming a better hero, not a better person.  Love becomes an inconvenience that they must bear in order to appear normal to the masses.

Interviewer: (Raises both eyebrows slightly.) Am I speaking with the right person? (A scoff hovers in his voice.)  Is this the same Lenise Lee who once thrived on drafting dime-store-rated romance novellas? Who once wrote that she is (uses crooked-fingers to mimic quoting.) ‘in love with being in love’?

Me: (Unblinking.) One and the same.

Interviewer:  So what has changed?

Me: Everything. (Glances at the table across from us.  The couple from outside are now seated there, and their thumbs are still hammering away.  Five minutes have passed and neither has uttered anything more than an order to the waitress.)

Interviewer: (Touches the outside of my hands and presses them firmly against the cup I am holding.) Don’t leave me hanging. (His voice does a great impression of sounding sincere.) Tell me what happened to cause this huge one-eighty.

Me: (My gut reaction is to jerk away, but I hold steady.  I’ve seen this look on men’s faces before.  It’s my eyes.  Dark and mysterious.  Men seem to be drawn in like moths to a flame, which is why I never hold eye contact for too long.  This time I let my guard down and here is the result.  I smile a friendly, non-committal grin then casually move my hands away and fold them under my chin.) Well, if you really want to know…I went in search of a knight in shining armor and all I ever found were harlequins.

Interviewer:  (He blinks his eyes and then shifts back in his chair. The spell is broken.  It’s as clear as a blue sky that he’s never heard of that word before, and I do nothing to help explain the term.) Hm. Okay.  (Soon, he’s typing again, and I know that he’s trying to Google that term.  The conversation comes to an abrupt end, and I go back to people watching.)

If you have no idea what I’m about to do, just watch and wait..then you’ll see time spin to a stop right before your eyes..and you’ll forget that world you once knew

Haunted

Tell me how to forget.

Tell me how to let go.

To make this go away.

Ease this burden.

Please tell me how to release this breath,

I have been holding deep within

For so long.

Frozen in time,

Deprived of air.

Tell me how much I need

To drown myself

In hopes

In dreams

In sorrows…

Endless words…

Before I can finally be free

Of this puzzling memory.

Just once.

Just this once…

Please…

Step out of my thoughts,

Fill this voided space

In the caverns of my heart —

Dispelling the darkness

go or stay

stand or run

dream forever or be irrevocably awake

see all in one surreal, aching flash or shut out everything

cast a shadow or illuminate every creeping crevice

follow the path of the sun or become enchanted by the lullaby of the moon

keep quiet or shout, until the words echo back

ringing my ears

tossing off the cloak of despair

healing the blind eye

cleansing the marred heart

awakening the senses

sharpening the mind

preparing the soul

taking the breath

freeing the body

releasing the full force of destiny

Have I imagined all this, or

Have I just opened the door to reality

I know what I want to do

So why don’t I ever have the strength to do it

I feel the surge of infinite nature

The essence of a thousand glimmering suns

Racing through my veins

Yet the echo announces

Not yet

Steady yourself

Calm the storm

Lower the candle flame

The night is darker than it seems

Hide yourself behind me

Cloak yourself in the countenance of my wings

Shield yourself beneath my thoughts

Not because I despise your light

Because I want to protect it

Nurture it

Enhance it

Make it untouchable

From the reach of probing fingers

Which seek to extinguish it for always…

i can’t stop

thinking about the future. hoping to forget the past. struggling through the now.

no matter what. my heart beats strong. my spirit pulses free. my mind journeys beyond the moment.

a runner. waiting for the perfect race. counting down the seconds. taking the pose. head bowed. knees arched. fingers pressed into the earth.

ready?

set?

the world crawls to an aching stillness.

all of creation fixes into perfect silence.

the pop hits the air

stay the course

keep focused

pound the dirt until every limb burns

win.

there is no other choice

i can’t stop

until i touch the void

step across the finish

bring down the boundaries

break the binds

see the eternal light

i am

victorious.

.

.

.

.

lenise

Olympic pictogram Athletics

On This Morning

Tropinin Girl with roses. Vasily Andreevich Tropinin. 1850.

I want today to be a fresh start.

I want to open my opens and see possibilities, not dead ends.

On this morning, I want to be Free to be happy, content, hopeful.

I need to feel my Spirit overflowing with radiance, touched by a spark of Divinity.

Whatever I accomplish in these small hours, if it be one small task or the moving of a great mountain, may my works have Meaning.

May my one Smile bring joy to as many people as it touches, and as many who will receive the love hiding within its gleam.

Today, I want to Believe. I want to Live. I want to Soar beyond the Great Heavens.

~

iamlenise

We Are

Suðuroy_rainbow2_wikicommons_ErikChristensen

Writers.

Lovers.

Humble.

Bold.

Inspired.

Invincible.

Powerful.

Hopeful Romantics.

United in a Quest.

For Truth. Grace. Perfect Passion. Revelations.

Waiting to be heard.

Wanting to be held.

Willing to take a chance.

Hoping to be embraced.  As we are.

Find what you Love.

Seek what you Live for.

And never let go.

*

Some will laugh.

Some will scoff.

Others will flash a green eye.

But we.

We know.

A brilliant and resilient New Dawn awaits.

Those who are brave enough.

To take One Step Forward.

Closer.

Toward the Magnificent.  Glorious.  Horizon.

*

*

Special thanks to.. ambitiouspoet and melanie jean juneau for blessing me with the Always There When I Need You Award.  And ANOTHER Round of Smiles and Hugs to The Nomadic Soliloquist for a new quintet of awards.

This is a late announcement, but the joy is still overflowing :~)

*

I can only think of one other person to extend this prize to.. tornadoday ..A wonderful and talented poetess.  Thank you, Dear Bobbi.  Your words truly inspire me.

*

iamlenise